Little did I know she would cry herself to sleep at night yanking on her hair. I didn’t know. Even now as her hair is starting to resemble a style she likes I still beat myself up about giving her that crew cut. And I shouldn’t. To be able to move forward I need to forgive myself for the haircut and for everything that I didn’t do right. I need to let it go.

Last night I read The Mastery of Love and it encouraged me to rethink my old programming and start to forgive. I never meant to hurt my child. That moment is gone and I need to let it go and forgive. She forgives me, so why don’t I?

Each day we heal a little more. A friend told me about a fabulous site where she bought her daughter’s cute little bob- www.wig.com. Now her daughter can fast forward to the haircut she has always dreamed of (and it didn’t break the bank!) Something as simple as that made me realize that each little step in life counts. We’ve made big strides and should be proud of where we are at right now. The next time I think of that haircut I will replace my sadness with forgiveness and give myself credit for moving on.

I think I’m 99.9% there.

Last week when I  saw the email from her school about a dance where the kids are required to “dress to impress”, I wondered what it would look like getting dressed that morning. Stressful? Playful? I was willing to let things unfold naturally and encourage Hope to choose whatever she felt comfortable in.

Today was the morning of the dance and I sat back and just watched. A couple months ago this would have meant crying and worrying. Clothes piled up on the floor and a sad little girl sitting in the center bewildered by what she wanted. Today it meant a happy, decisive young lady who tried on an outfit, gave it a twirl in front of her bedroom mirror and said “Let’s go!” I can’t help but think that her wispy curls provide a little glimpse of the long locks she has always dreamed about. The promise of good things yet to come.

Who wouldn’t be excited about that?