Jennifer Carr is a writer, blogger, public speaker and advocate for gender diverse individuals. Jennifer is the proud mother of a child who knew she was born in the wrong body at 4 years old. “Be who you are,” Jennifer told her daughter as school, clothes, family gatherings and pronouns became increasingly difficult. Each day was another opportunity to live authentically, but there were abundant learning curves and life lessons around every corner. Jennifer’s daughter socially transitioned to living as herself, a girl, shortly before her 6th birthday.
Despite living in one of the largest cities in the United States, Jennifer could not find resources for gender diverse children locally. After being turned away from several organizations that serve the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) population due to the fact they exclusively served teens and adults, Jennifer reached out to PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) and doors began to open. She volunteered with PFLAG and found the inspiration to create the first local gender diverse play group for children. The group provides a way for the children, their siblings and their parents to have a support group of their own. The children and families understand that they are not alone. This is usually is a powerful revelation.
Jennifer continued to reach out to national organizations for resources and support. By collaborating with Trans Youth Family Allies (TYFA) and the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), Jennifer fought the local public school system for the rights and privacy of gender diverse children who are elementary school age. They won, and together they created the first protocol for admitting and supporting gender diverse and transgender elementary school children. Their success means that children are better protected and understood at school allowing a better learning environment for all. Families no longer have to make their children conform to gender stereotypes to attend school. Children are addressed by their preferred name and pronoun. Every child is allowed to use the bathroom appropriate for their expressed gender. Families do not have to worry about the failing grades, emotional problems and physical abuse traditionally experienced by gender diverse children. Jennifer understood that this victory would be the beginning of a lifelong mission to advocate for these children and their families to create a more just and loving world.
When she isn’t writing books, Jennifer educates organizations, individuals, families and schools about the unique challenges gender diverse and transgender children and their parents live with every day: talking with siblings, bullying, handling issues at school, transitioning, using appropriate bathrooms, creating name changes, using correct pronouns, talking with family members and friends who don’t understand and meeting all life’s challenges and successes with honesty, honor and humanity.
Be Who You Are is the first in a series of children’s books designed to open hearts and minds about gender diverse children. Jennifer wrote Be Who You Are for her two children who longed to have a book that reflects the love and acceptance they appreciate with their own family. To schedule an interview, book signing or speaking engagement at your organization, school or local bookstore please email Jen@JenniferCarrBooks.com.
is the proud mother of a child who knew she born in the wrong body at 4 years old. “Be who you are.”, Jennifer told her daughter as school, clothes, family and pronouns became increasingly difficult. Each day was another opportunity to live authentically, but there were abundant learning curves and life lessons around every corner. Jennifer’s daughter socially transitioned to living as herself, a girl, shortly before her 6th birthday.
Despite living in and adults, Jennifer reached out to PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) and doors began to open. She joined the PFLAG Parents of Transgender Support Group and found the inspiration to create the first PFLAG Gender Non-Conforming Play Group for children. The group, whose membership grows each month, provides a way for the children, their siblings and their parents to have a support group of their own. The children and families understand that they are not alone. This is usually is a powerful revelation.
Jennifer continued to reach out to national organizations for resources and support. By collaborating with Trans Youth Family Allies, the Safe Schools Coalition and the American Civil Liberties Union, Jennifer fought the local public school system for the rights and privacy of all gender non-conforming children. They won, and together they created the first ever protocol and training program for admitting, supporting and educating gender non-conforming and transgender elementary school children. Their success means that children are better protected and understood at school allowing a better learning environment for all. Families no longer have to make their children conform to gender stereotypes to attend school. All children will be addressed by their preferred name and pronoun. Every child is allowed to use the bathroom appropriate for their expressed gender. Families will not have to worry about the failing grades, emotional problems and physical abuse traditionally experienced by gender non-conforming children. Jennifer understood that this victory would be the beginning of a lifelong mission to advocate for these children and their families to create a more just and loving world.
When she isn’t writing books or blogging, Jennifer educates organizations, individuals, families and schools about the unique challenges gender non-conforming and transgender children and their parents live with every day: working with siblings, handling issues at school, transitioning, using appropriate bathrooms, creating name changes, using correct pronouns, talking with family members and friends who don’t understand and meeting all life’s challenges and successes with honesty, honor and humanity.
Be Who You Are is the first in a series of children’s books designed to open hearts and minds about gender non-confirming children. Jennifer wrote Be Who You AreBio
Thanks so much for your blog.. I am new with the transgender mtf child .. Im looking forward to reading your new book.
Hi Julie- Thanks for your comments & please stay in touch!! If there is anything I can do to help, please be sure to let me know. Best- Jen
As Dr. Seuss once said “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”…I so wish that was true, the person who mtters most in my life cannot deal with who I am, 4 years ago I came out to my son, lately it has been taking a toll on me, I miss him so much, it hurts.
Dear Tammie, My heart goes out to you. I wish I could say that those people come to some epiphany and come back to us, and while some do, some don’t. We’ve lost some people in our life that we never expected. I want to believe that they’ll come around someday, but I don’t need that to happen to be okay. It’s their part of the journey, not mine. All I can do is have open an open heart for everyone, those who accept us and those that don’t. Rely on your support system to ease the pain. Talk it out. Don’t keep it inside. And believe in yourself. Keep in touch & take good care. Best- Jen
when i was a child, I was stubborn about many things, and didn’t really know what I want. I thought I was a girl in a boy’s body, and constantly dressed up. I wanted to be a girl, even going into high school, and would dream of it all the time. Nowadays, i’m a man, a 30 year old man, and those feelings have completely left. I’m glad my mother and father, who caught me doing this were ashamed. I’m glad I found out that though I wanted to be a girl, I would always be a boy. I have a penis, and I had to deal with that, and now i’m thankful I was born the way I was. I have a Y chromosome and I will not ignore that. It’s shameful that you don’t remind your child of the same thing I had to face about myself. You let your child live as they want, yet THEY ARE A CHILD, and children are the ones to learn, not the other way around. Your boy is a boy, will be a man, and you cannot, nor can he change that. You’re a parent that, though has faced much through this whole ordeal, have given in to the demands of someone much younger than you, as if they knew better than you. I agree with Lady Gaga about her one hit song, “I was born this way”- fess up to the fact that your boy was born this way-a boy.
Dear Nick,
Thank you for sharing your personal story of gender diversity, but we obviously disagree. I don’t believe in shame and don’t see the purpose of shame in a healthy life, nor do our therapists. I don’t think parents should be ashamed of anything a child, or young person genuinely experiences, nor should the child. The feelings are real and valid. My daughter knows exactly who she is and what her body looks like, more than you know. She can’t “forget” any of that. No one is forcing her in any direction. Her future is hers alone.
Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. I believe that Lady Gaga’s song celebrates that we are born the way we are inside, the way we feel, no matter what our body or society dictates.
Best,
Jen
Nick,
you are lucky you found yourself.
But you are hypocrite. You said it yourself, you dressed up and dreamed.
Having dreams fulfilled in life is the biggest thing for any human being.
You apparently fulfilled your dream to be a boy, or else you broke your self and followed other peoples dream – just so you did not have to put up with it.
There is grown up parents, that follow the standards of care and provide as much as they can to their children and yet you accuse them. I am sure if Jen ever gets to the point where her daughter decides she was wrong, she will support her child as ever.
If she does not change her feelings, then her parent saved her life.
Its kind of ignorant to think that your personal experiences can be transferred to others. What is right for you is not right for others, hence diversity – a simple but yet fundamental concept of nature.
No human being is able to defeat nature.
Sarah
Nick, I’m sorry, but as it has been stated before…. every person and child are different. Your blatant hypocrisy is discarded.
I commend you, Jennifer. I live in Chicago and am a 29 year old gay man living in the gay community. My trans friends, some of the bravest and most heroic people I will ever meet, and I have discussed in painful detail how hard it was to grow up in their bodies that they felt were never theirs, that something simply ‘wasn’t right’. My childhood of abuse pales in comparison to some things I have heard.
When I read about you and your work, I felt unbelievably uplifted. I feel that there is great amount of hope for trans children, and that there is a beautiful, bright future ahead. Thank you… You are a hero.
Jen,
I so commend you on your work. I have not been very connected to the transgender/gender-diverse world, other than awareness of it’s existence, and therefore had not heard of you until listening to the CBC program today (I am Canadian). Thank you for your insights, advocacy, incredible support and compassion. This complex issue needs continued education and awareness-raising, for the world has been so inadequate regarding acceptance–for those who are the gender-expressed and their families. Keep up the good work.
I have been reading through our website. is there any advice that you could give me to tell my family I’m transgendered? They are all extreamly judgmental and I don’t know if I would even have a place to live if I told my grandparents. I am almost 16 and hate hiding who I really am. Thank you so much for any advice you can give me. Mak
Your*
Hi Mak,
First, let me say that you are very courageous. Be proud, gentle and loving with yourself. Stand in your truth and speak from your heart. Seek out support from others who have walked similar paths and maybe their words will resonate with you on some level and help you find your own words to explain your truth. Bottom-line is that you should know that you are loved. There are people who will help you right now. If you called/ emailed/ reached out to a local PFLAG chapter (flag.org) they can help immensely. You are never alone, remember that.
Blessings,
Jen