Tags
acceptance, balance, coping, family, friends, future, gender identity, gender variance, healing, hiding, inspiration, joy, loss, love, strength, transgender, transition
In a way Hope’s transition offers people in our lives two paths. You’d think the path that leads toward us would be the most direct, but it’s not. It’s filled with winding detours and countless signs where one must learn about gender identity and understand how a child could feel trapped in their body.
The path twists again forcing the person to accept that our Hope is just a child who is not at fault. Another twist and they need to decide whether they will be a loving and supportive influence in Hope’s life. Continuing along, the person must choose whether they can handle being with Hope in public and talking to their friends and family honestly about her transition.
The last stretch of road is where most people call it quits and go home. The final mile is where the person walks in our shoes. This means enduring public or private scrutiny for the choices I’ve made as a mother (“allowing” my child to “be” a girl) and for who my child is. Educating when someone is ignorant and speaking up against nasty comments, accusations or jokes at our expense. Stepping in the line of fire when someone tries to attack this helpless child even if it means taking a hit physically, personally or professionally. This last stretch doesn’t happen when I’m around. It happens when no one is watching.
It’s easy to be “on board” when we are standing right there and then turn your back and follow the crowd when no one would know. It’s easy to attempt to keep us in the closet from the rest of the people in your life. It’s much easier to act like it isn’t true or it didn’t happen, brushing our lives under the rug like an old tabloid article from an unreliable source. It’s easy to give up on us and not go all the way.
Thankfully people have made their way toward us. Some even seem to have journeyed effortlessly, though I am sure that’s not the case. Right now we have a circle of love and acceptance surrounding us that continue to make life worth living. They’ve acted as allies and champions for us. They’ve used sheer force to move mountains so that my child can enjoy a loving and healthy life. They didn’t have to do it. They could have taken the easy route.
If I look at my circle today I am inspired by these courageous people who open their hearts to us, comfort us and want to be a part of our lives. I admit, lots of people aren’t in my circle. Some people surprise me with their actions. Maybe some are taking their time on the path and we might see them again. Some have shown that they will never take a step toward us. That is okay. We have enough. This is the balance of life.
I believe character and heart are the essence of what is addressed here. We as humans, tend to fear that which we do not understand or which is perceived as “different” or “abnormal” what ever those terms may mean to someone. People may not yet realize just how much Hope IS teaching them, every day. You Jen, may not yet realize all which she has taught you. Not meaning to be defensive or offensive I often refer to the following quote : “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” Dr. Seuss. You Jen and Hope really matter! The world is a far better place because of you.
I always think of that quote too when it comes to who comes in and out of our lives. I can’t change anyone’s mind about how they feel. All I can do is respect their decision (even if I don’t agree) and move on. I am so grateful you reached out and I agree with what you said about Hope teaching me. I always say that my most valuable life lessons have been taught to me by my children. This journey is our destiny, no matter how corny that sounds or seems to some people.
Remember that the world is a far better place because of you too. Thank you. My Best- Jen
a very helpful and uplifting, as well as insightful read, this!
my child is transitioning to be the girl she was meant to be.
altho only seven now, she says she has known for all her life that she was a girl.
so i finally ‘got’ it and now dresses, girl’s undies and the female pronoun are our daily routine.
it is a wonderful thing to watch her finally being able to be who she is!
i wonder why i didn’t do it sooner~
thanks for your site, and for hope~
I am so happy for you & your daughter Moon Batchelder. My daughter is around the same age so I am in tune with the little details that mean so much. Best wishes to you and your daughter!! Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. My Best- Jen
Hello Jen,Just want to say you are a wonderful paernt. I am a 53yr old trans woman who was totally rejected by my paernts. They are both dead now giving me some peace. I knew I was different when I was around 3 or 4 yrs of age. I transitioned when I was 40 when my paernts were still both living. It was their mission in life to cure me. Their belief system was deeply rooted in religion which made me an evil unwanted child in my mind. My life was hell on earth. It has affected me horribly and still does to this day to not have the love and acceptance of your paernts. Shortly after I transitioned they tossed me aside as their child never to speak to me again. They both died without ever conversing with me ever again. It is a very difficult set of circumstances to live with the rest of your life. I have 2 beautiful loving accepting adult children who make my life worth living but sometimes I am sure I would not be here if not for them because of the damage my paernts inflicted upon me my entire life while they were alive.YOU are doing the right thing! Love your children as they are! I never chose to be brought into this world but my paernts never wanted what they got. I always feel so cheated when I read of a wonderful paernt like you!As for my own children I love and support them no matter what. They had no choice to come into this world; I made that decision along with my wife. It is a paernt’s responsibility to love and accept their children unconditionally. It is a persons’ duty as a paernt.Lots of love,Sara
I think no matter what our life circumstances, it can be difficult to find quality people to journey with us. So glad that you have found your circle.
I’ve gone “all the way” with you several times since finding your blog. This is a subject on which I think almost all of us need some education. Much like segregation “back in the day” when people of color were perceived as being truly “different”, and gay awareness issues (“Ewww, how can they *do* that?”) on which, happily, some progress is finally being made, gender identity is something with which most folks today still don’t have any experience. Every so often an opportunity arises for me to say “You know, I’ve been reading this really interesting blog. It’s being written by a woman whose daughter…”
Education is the first step toward acceptance, and your writing here is a powerful tool toward accomplishing both that essential first step and the hopefully rapid outcome!