Tags
gender identity, gender variance, healing, inspiration, joy, kids, love, memories, self awareness, self expression, strength, transgender, transition
My little ballerina had her first recital. Half ballet, half tap dancing and completely wonderful.
Before performing in front of everyone as a kid I was always tense, nervous to the point of exhaustion as I racked my brain to remember all the steps. I was that kind of kid that had to hit every count perfectly. Be exactly where I was supposed to be. I wonder if I ever enjoyed it. Dancing that is, if you want to call it that. More like going through the motions if you ask me. I didn’t want to do it wrong.
My daughter, however, was calm and playful before the recital. She and the other dancers ran around laughing and giggling before the teacher arrived like there wasn’t a room full of parents (and some grandparents) staring at them. I studied Hope as she twirled, little pink ballet skirt flying in the air. Tiny ponytails just visible as she turned toward me beaming with pride. I loved it. Savored every moment as if they were given to me as a gift. These little ones, serious about performing their routine, but having a ball along the way.
Being on the other side of the stage taught me something extremely special. No two children danced the same way. Some were more stiff and precise. Some fluid and light. All of them moved through each piece without embarrassment or hesitation. They just danced.
I stopped clapping to dab the corner of my eye. Joy. I was filled with the most blissful joy than I had felt in a very long time. Happiness for the moment that was so beautiful. Admiration for my daughter’s persistence in learning something new. Gratitude that a child who was born into the wrong body could still follow their dreams and live fully, achieving every goal in their heart.
I got nothing here. That was just beautiful. If it wasn’t so early in my morning, I might have gotten misty-eyed
Brady
Are you familar with Edward Hall’s work? He was an anthropologist who proposed several ideas and terms about people and time. But what I thought was interesting is that he suggested the education system fails because it, and educators, assume all children’s mind think in terms of language (and words). In testing his graduate students he discovered there are a number of different ways individual’s mind works, and since then psycholoigists have suggested more ways, somewhere around 8.
He said while language is how we communicate as a society and culture, few people’s mind innately works in language. He found some students could read music and imagine the music. Some could read a recipe and imagine the sight, smell and taste of the food. Some could read and think in mathematical terms, symbols and expressions. Some could imagine and perform dance from music, watching and reading the dance symbols. Some could remember and recall places by images. And so on.
And he found only one of the different types of minds use words. All the rest use images (places, movement, math, food, expressions, etc.) to work and communicate. Only writers use words. It’s why he said the education system forces the use of words wihout understanding the child, and why so many don’t do well, let alone excel, in many classes. He discovered it starts early in life and we’re not usually tested until middle school or later, when the student has long lost the interest to learn.
He said educators don’t get this and keep forcing language when so few actually think in language, and then criticize the students for not grasping something they don’t know how to think. He said while we mandate our communication in language we can’t force people to work in language if their mind can’t. He said we have to turn language into what mode their mind works and teach them to translate back so everyone else understands them, whether it’s as dance, music, images, art, math, etc.
It’s why standardized testing doesn’t work except to measure the range of children’s language and math skills. When there are so many other ways children would excel, forcing everyone into two types so few of their minds work, is unfair and worse, demoralizing to children. He would argue to expand the testing to what fits the child (and their mind), and then find ways to measure their own potential and talent.
Imagine if we tested everyone on all the different types? Children good at the other forms would do as well and likely better than those who think in terms of words and math, and they could teach us what they need to learn to express it as words or where everyone else understands. Ok, wishful thinking.
While some people struggle with dance, to those few movement is instinctive and innate. I love watching ballet to see the control and movement of their bodies with hard work, innate memory and instincts. It’s not just the necessary practice that makes them good, but their mind which automatically works in the movement and control of their bodies. The muscles don’t work on demand but on instinct. They can’t desribe how they know or remember, only that they can and do.
As for dance, I’ve always loved the NYC Ballet Workout book for its excercises to warmup, stretch and develop the muscles. Ballet is one of the top three athletic endeavors, better than many the sports and only equaled by two for the skills and endurance to perform, something always overlooked when measuring athleticism.
I only learned how my mind works in my senior year of high school, and only learned it’s normal from Hall’s book. I’m totally a visual person. I think and remember in images of places, people, events. I even think of words, sentences and paragraphs in images than words. I didn’t learn how to write until my freshman year in college and then communicating with words in graduate school (thesis). An excellent example where the education system failed and failed me, making me adjust and adapt before I realized to focus on my mind’s innate senses and communication.
Thanks for reminding me.
You bring up such a moving point Scott! I just came back from a seminar about alternative learning practices and what you said particularly resonates with me right now. The kids and I started our “Summer Learning Series” where we get to choose to explore things we want to learn about. My 4 yr old son wants to know why John Lennon was shot. My 6 yr old daughter wants to know what trees are made of and beyond that the physical properties of everything. Pretty good subjects to learn about I think. They are steering the course this summer- exploring, investigating, creating, drawing, painting, dissecting, conducting, and directing everything. I’m just a research and play assistant.
We began at the beach this morning just taking it all in. The waves, the sand, the sky. I got more out of the few hours this morning than I did the entire school year. They want to conquer their questions and discover. So do I. Learning is an every moment activity.
Your timing is impeccable. I think I’ll learn more about the ways my kids learn this summer when they have the chance to teach me. Then I can understand how to support their unique pathways. Thanks for shining a light. I needed it! Best- Jen
You’re welcome. I don’t know how children can tell us how they learn because their understanding of themselves and of language is just beginning, but what they do and pay attention to can tell us in simple ways, drawing instead of writing, seeing instead of reading, doing instead of thinking, touching instead of looking, and so on.
But the neat thing is that you can teach them because it’s what they want to learn and still put in other lessons by asking questions which makes them think than just answers questions. It doesn’t matter if they’re right, or even close, but that they’re exploring and asking themseles questions.
Beaches, wow interesting timing. In graduate school for a class I did a project which resulted in an article for Shore and Beach magazine (really it’s a commercial scientific journal) about coastal erosion on Sandy Point in northwest Washington (near Bellingham), and worked on a coastal erosion grant for the Army Corps of Engineers. Beaches are an infinite dynamic world.
As for trees, she may be treading in areas even biologists can’t explain. Like one of my pet interests, why trees blow over in windstorms, all the factors leading to the moment and what failed or broke to cause them to be vulnerable. It’s the physics of the biology of trees and roots. You can introduce her to biology, chemistry, physics and math, if only to see all are involved in understanding.
Good luck with being their teaching assistant.
Awww she sounded so adorable! I hope you are taking LOTS of pics of her to celebrate when she is older. What a lucky little girl you have! Chris came out of nowhere wanted to be in a pageant. Now those things go against everything I believe kids should be. But this was not about me. It was about her. So last month we entered a small local pageant. She danced and sang on stage and her outfits and beautiful hairstyles ( brag…I did them..LOL ) I could tell she was happy. We did not win a thing and she told me she did not want to do another but just wanted to try it.
So something that to me has all sorts of social connotations to her was simply a day of dress up play and a chance to dance and sing…nothing more..LOL
Enjoy each and every moment!
Hopefully you are taking lots of pictures of Hope as she grows up and explores the world. On day many years down the road these pictures will be even more meaningful to you both than they may be now. I recently embarked on a project scanning about 3000 slides going back 45 years to when my children were born into the world. They are enjoying this project perhaps more than I am. and don’t forget to include lots of pictures of you and other family members to allow Hope to “remember when”.
I’m reading this book http://www.amazon.com/When-Opposite-Isnt-Male-Female/dp/0789034476 and just came across this passage which immediately made me think of you and your daughter “The challenge for a parent is to let a child become who he is – not who we would like him to be – to help him be his best self, and to feel good about himself as he is. Or as she is.”
You Jen, are indeed meeting the challenge presented by Hope and society with grace, compassion, understanding, and love. You are both wonderful and amazing people. I look forward to reading your books.
Cheryl