Recently a parent lashed out at me because I stand up for my child and I use my voice when their well being is threatened. The encounter reinforced that the safety of my children has been and will always be my first and foremost motivation.
It came out that this person was/is anonymously following me. I wonder why? Why am I so important to them? What do they think they will find? A mom who wants to protect and advocate for her children. A mom who needs to share her experience with people who support her and can give her words of encouragement.
While meditating on it, I thought of a beloved poem of Mother Teresa’s where she talks about what path to stay on. The path of love and integrity- no matter what.
“People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.”
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You need to use autowrap with the Mother Teresa words, the format loses some of it off the right edge. The columns’ width don’t auto-adjust with blogspot but are fixed and some text can be lost.
From what I read, the advice is hard not to accept and follow. Sadly, people are often narrow-minded not to see the breadth of human diversity, and the love parents have for their children for who they are and not as anyone expects them. That will be your eternal gift to them, so fight hard for it.
I guess I would have had few words for the parent, which would have been, “I’m sorry for you.” Too many parents force their ideals on their children and then wonder why they don’t share in return, why they rebel, and why as adults they are so different. But then some children never do explore beyond what they’re told or expected.
The stories of my brother (latter) and myself (former).
I am thinking that parent gave the same “You are destroying your child’s future! You are making your child into a freak!” speech?
I am sorry that happened
I don’t know, perhaps one person is enough to challenge the status quo of society and that would make some people insecure insecure.
It reminds me of another quote from Mother Teresa.
“We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.”
Either way, please continue to do what you do best, loving your children
Hi Sheralyn,
I will email you the story. And thank you. I feel confident in the way I dealt with this person but that doesn’t always mean that things work out. I have always been supported here and on Twitter and I will continue to share our story despite people trying to censor my words or emotions. If someone doesn’t like what I am saying they can stop following me or go to a different website. It’s as simple as that.
I think so many parents of transgender kids stifle what’s inside because other people can’t handle the truth. They attack us. They blame us. They make us the scapegoat for their fears or failures. I recognize it’s their baggage, not mine. It comes as no surprise why parents of transgender kids stay silent sometimes. It could be a totally unrelated topic and somehow our personal life gets dragged into the matter.
Nevertheless, we try and advocate for our children, simply as children. Stand up for their right to be a child, just like anyone else. Because they are.
Best- Jen
Dear Scott-
Thanks. I fixed the text. And I appreciate your message. I think some parents force their belief systems on their children and then some just let theirs run wild without any explanation of what being a respectful person means in this world.
There is a balance here, between all-or-nothing and raising responsible, respectful independent thinkers who have good judgment and self discipline. Sure, we all make mistakes but it’s a process of love and humanity. I try to see the life lessons in our encounter and use that to enrich my life going forward. It’s hard, but I am trying.
Knowing that I have support here gives me the courage and the strength to face these types of difficulties and grow.
Best- Jen
You have to bring up your child in a morally correct way, any child. Not to do so results in a wayward child and an insecure adult in later life. You may also be rearing an delinquent and anti-social person by not bringing the child up properly AND taking an interest in them, spending quality time with them. Of course you know this already. The issue regarding gender is something completely different and has nothing to do with the moral issues of child rearing. However, not acknowledging your child’s concerns with their gender identity will have an enormous negative effect on that child. So as a parent you need to be pro-active on both fronts. The main issues here concern the child’s well being. It is such a shame that this other person and many like her cannot see the sense in this. Even though it has nothing to do with her she might try to make your life difficult by her actions. She is the one with the problem and maybe she should be told just that. She is the one who needs help and maybe somebody should tell her. Perhaps if it were her own child she might think differently especially when her child became rebellious because of her unloving attitude. You stick to your guns and take the advice written in those verses Jen. Love
Shirley Anne xxx
Thank you Shirley Anne- I’ve taken to reading that poem every day so that I can rise above the little struggles (and the drama) and keep the light shining. I know we are just two moms who want to protect our children. I keep telling myself that. I’m trying to focus on sending love to the situation rather than anger or fear. Trying.
With your help I am stronger. Best- Jen
Jen, Someone gave me the Love them anyway poem last week, I have posted it all over my home and from the bottom of my heart I move through my life, knowing those words to be true. The fact that I have found you and your story may be the reason, I can do the things in my future for my child that need to be done. You posting this poem when I have been using it in my daily life is such a blessing. You are not alone and you help me to not be afraid. Your open and loving heart is what makes this crazy world good. Thank you
Dear Robin- From the very bottom of my heart- Thank You!!!! You’ll never know how much it means to me. Best, Jen