The Mastery of Love
Before Hope socially transitioned last summer I have her a crew cut like I always did for “the boys” when the weather got warmer. Seems like a strange decision for a child that identifies as a girl, doesn’t it? Looking back I remember asking her what she haircut she wanted (and her reply being hazy) but I remained in the driver’s seat at the salon. All I can say is I was on auto-pilot, completely unaware.
Little did I know she would cry herself to sleep at night yanking on her hair. I didn’t know. Even now as her hair is starting to resemble a style she likes I still beat myself up about giving her that crew cut. And I shouldn’t. To be able to move forward I need to forgive myself for the haircut and for everything that I didn’t do right. I need to let it go.
Last night I read The Mastery of Love and it encouraged me to rethink my old programming and start to forgive. I never meant to hurt my child. That moment is gone and I need to let it go and forgive. She forgives me, so why don’t I?
Each day we heal a little more. A friend told me about a fabulous site where she bought her daughter’s cute little bob- www.wig.com. Now her daughter can fast forward to the haircut she has always dreamed of (and it didn’t break the bank!) Something as simple as that made me realize that each little step in life counts. We’ve made big strides and should be proud of where we are at right now. The next time I think of that haircut I will replace my sadness with forgiveness and give myself credit for moving on.
I think I’m 99.9% there.
Dear Jen, you are right. Forgive yourself and move on. There is no sense in beating yourself over the things you feel you’ve done wrong in the past. What is done cannot be changed but you can learn from mistakes, I do it all the time! LOL. Personally, I wouldn’t buy her a wig unless she specifically asks for one. Children can be little monsters at times and having her ‘hair’ pulled off by some unthinking child might be a very upsetting experience for her. Let her grown her own hair and teach her how to look after it. I think she will appreciate that more.
When I first glanced at the title of this post I read it as ‘The Mystery of Love’ and not the ‘Mastery’. Love is indeed a mystery and the mastery of it should be a natural thing but we do have to work at it don’t we? I think 99.9% isn’t enough but hey, none of us are perfect! Gosh I am lucky if I reach 89.9%….tehe……Love
Shirley Anne xxx
Hi Shirley Anne- I giggled when I saw the Mystery vs. Mastery. Isn’t that true! But it’s an ever evolving process, a beautiful unfolding. I’m trying to give and receive a little more each day. Much Love- Jen
Jen
Please dont beat yourself up over the crew cut. Instead look forward and celebrate each new day with your daughter. The past is just that…past. A wig might be a lot of fun but focus on her hair as it SLOWLY grows out ( seems to take forever doesnt it ) and celebrate each new curl, her first ponytail, first braids, first everything and take LOTS of pictures. By this time next year you will have a pretty long haired little girl
Just enjoy the journey it really is a lot of fun!
You are so right Melissa. I am blessed to have this wonderful little child in my life.
What a wonderful support and resource you are providing. I would love to have you as a guest on The Coffee Klatch an interactive support forum for special needs children on Twitter. Best of luck to you
I appreciate the offer Coffee Klatch!!
I agree, don’t spend time worrying over it. As I learned when going to interviews from graduate school (post Vietnam-era), one older friend said, “Shave the facial hair and get a haircut. You can always grow it back later, after you’re hired.” Well, you’re hired, so enjoy and have fun.
Since then I kept my hair short until three years before I retired. I told folks I wanted to grow it out, like before, until I got tired of it. Seven years later I’m still not tired of it and it’s well down my back. Hope will get there. And I agree, you and Hope should have fun with hair styles as it grows out. I would only suggest a good stylist to cut it so it grows out where the end style is what she wants.
Thanks Scott- Luckily we have a phenom stylist that Hope adores and trusts. It’s been fun to see the different stages. Yesterday the doctor even told Hope that her hair was so long it was in the way of checking her ears during her visit. She was thrilled!!