Take a strip of paper, say a half-inch wide and 8-9 inches long. Write male on one side and female on the other side. In the middle on each side draw a line and 50%. On each end write 99% on each side (since no sex is 100% except a few rare girls) and 1% on both sides of the other end. Then twist the strip and connect the ends where the 1% on one side overlaps the 99% on the other. That’s my idea of the Mobius strip of gender. It’s the continuous spectrum and shows anywhere you are you’re both male and female and fluid along each side.

You bring up such an important point. No one chooses this path. When we met with Hope’s school they asked why she couldn’t just go to school as a boy and live as a girl at home. Like being yourself is something you flick on and off like a light switch. She doesn’t choose to live as herself- a girl. She simply must. Choice is not a part of that.

I am so grateful that you rose above the negative feelings and share your heartfelt experience for others. When people try to tell me that Hope’s gender identity isn’t a big deal and that I should make her live as a boy until she is older and “can really understand” I tell them about the staggering statistics of transgender individuals who commit suicide. How could we possibly ask anyone to be who they aren’t? I ask them how they would feel if they were forced to live as the other gender. Would they know how to feel or act? Would they feel out of place? How would they cope? (Usually they look at me blankly at this part of the conversation, but the point is made.)

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. Sending love to you across the miles- Jen

It’s funny someone mentioned to me the other day that little girls HAD to have long hair and boys short hair. I recall her saying “That’s just how it is.” I’m sure my mouth kind of dropped open, me with a short Pixie haircut myself. No, that is not how I believe things to be. And why should we think that way? Why should we perpetuate that thought process, setting up expectations for other children to identify gender by the length of one’s hair. It’s silly. Sorry, little tangent. I guess my point is that this is why I started writing. One- to get the emotions out of my body and into the world. Two- to open hearts and minds. Thanks for making me think that I am getting there. Best- Jen

It’s great you heard Hope and then let her be who she is. My parents sent my older brother (by 6 years) to tell me I’m not who I am and to live with it. I buried it so deep I almost never found it again. Tha’ts not loving your child, only directing them to your expectations.

I’ve come around to think of gender as a Mobius Strip, male on one side, female on the other, where we’re always a mix of the two, and we naturally, or intentionally, wander down the strip, finding we’re not where we were and just maybe in a place we’re better and happier. And our trip and our gender is fluid as we venture through our life, where the joy isn’t about being fixed or absolute but the journey to explore and discover more of ourself.

Anyway, just some toughts. Thanks for sharing.

I hope that more parents would be blessed with your capacity for love

Sherry

Shirley Anne xxx