Sometimes I feel like we don’t give kids enough credit. These little human beings are such big thinkers with vast capabilities for understanding, acceptance and love. Nevertheless, it seems easy for some people to dismiss kids. They use the excuse “they can’t understand” to avoid getting into the complexity of the subject matter. My experience has been that when you really talk with children one-on-one they can grasp just about the most difficult of subjects. Having said that, I know that when I am shaky on how I feel about something, it is way more difficult to explain to my kids. For me, explaining something is an exercise in really wrapping my head around an idea.

During one of our early visits to the therapist I remember my daughter sitting very purposefully, very focused as we settled in for the session. Actually she looked like she meant business. Her hands were gently folded around her crossed knees and she asked if she could ask some questions she’d been thinking about since the previous session. This is great, I thought. Most of the prior conversations were led by the therapist’s questions. Now Hope was in the driver’s seat.

“I would like to know the name of the thing I am going through”, she asked as her gaze rested firmly on the therapist. Whoa. Hope’s frankness caught me so off guard and I remember feeling somewhat tickled. I’m not that self aware. Hope knew that something big was happening.

When we started transitioning she asked if she was the only person who felt this way. Once she knew there were others she wanted to meet some. As she expanded her understanding of gender and identity and transition, her vocabulary didn’t change as much as her confidence did. The words were empowering.

There wasn’t some mystery out there that she had to hide from. Something bad wasn’t going to happen to her. Knowing the words for what she felt like gave her power over something she felt that was intrinsically wrong with her. It’s a big concept- gender identity. But I’ll tell you, she can teach it better than some adults. She gets it.